[10] high

at a party one girl says to another something about voting or elections and the other responds "what election?" and then they both move on to another subject. all my brother's friends are boring or I can't figure out to talk about with them. i just sit there.

all they talk about is how much weed they smoked or will smoke or are currently smoking. and my brother and i seem to be trying to make them my friends or me their friend or include me somehow cause they think im cool or pretend to politely well only one of the girls really ever said anything to me perhaps its the way i just sit there throws people off or we're both nonplussed about the strangeness of our being there. actually some people are more out there than others and will just started talking to you if you make eye contact. its all about eye contact in communications. as soon as they are sure there is prolonged contact they will start talking no matter what about or the circumstances. and i just am so fuckin alien to it all i have nno idea what im oding and it shows it shows it shows i know it does its fuckin obvious its different when im drinking than when im smokin though. especially this shit that makes me so sleep and just inable to communicate groggy groggy stonedness of it all. drinkin gets me up high to the talking to everyone point but almost immediately after that peak is the carreening danger slope of anger and worry that everyone is offended by the sight of you and depression depressin oh god why didnt i just die last night instead of making such a fool. with weed its like oh shit oh shit look at them look at him her what are they doing they're looking at me i guess i should act alert and happy and alive oh no what do i haveto do know. I swear to god everytime someone would talk to me i started make fists with my hands and feet, trying not to fall over from the force impact of their communication, trying to grab with my toes onto the cement floor through the soles of my shoes.